Hello Beautiful People!
Recently, we have had a couple big moments that make my Mama heart ache a bit and at the same time burst with overwhelming love and pride. It seems that gradually over the last few months and then all of a sudden, Little Miss almost 4, became a big kid who doesn’t always need her Mama. I’m finding right now that motherhood is all about finding a balance between the holding on and the letting go.
Earlier last week, we went with Lilly to her very first soccer game! She belongs to a team of boys and girls her age with a coach to teach and guide them as they learn to play. Hubby and I got to witness her interact with kids she’s never met before and take instruction from her coach. Up until very recently, this little girl was attached to my hip whenever we were in new situations with new people, so it is awesome to see her blossom on her own. We watched her beam with pride when her coach gave her a high five for kicking the ball properly and listen to her chat excitedly with her team mates. She would run over to us once in a while, but only to ask if we saw her big kick or her fast running. Watching her, just made me realize that she is growing up and she is becoming her own little person and maybe she does have more of her dad’s outgoing personality and a little less of my introverted personality than we previously thought.
With the weather finally being nice, we have been outside most of the day. This is the first time that Lilly has wanted to go play at the neighbours without me. In fact, the other day, she even told me she didn’t want me to come. *sad face I sit in our yard, keeping a close eye, but still allowing her the independence she is craving. I’m happy, of course, that she is becoming a big kid, who is happy to play with others, but at the same time, I’m wondering where my baby has gone. It’s a hard balance to keep, for most mother’s I think. We want our babies to become well socialized, independent members of society but we miss the sweet faced, chubby babies who always need their Mama the most.
The biggest thing that we experienced was registering for school and visiting her future classroom. This one is tough. We weren’t sure if we were going to do school this year or at all-we have considered home-schooling. In the end, after many discussions and talking to Lilly about it all, she is excited and wants to go to school. I, of course, want to keep her home with me forever and ever. I have been blessed to be able to stay home with my girls, so we obviously spend a lot of time together, just us. We have our rhythm and slow paced lifestyle that we have really cherished. School is going to change things. I know that we will settle into a new rhythm and everything will be just fine, and that I’m the one who probably needs to accept this change more than anyone. I don’t get to sit and watch from the yard next door, or cheer her on from the sidelines. She will be all on her own, and that thought alone makes me lose my breath a little.
So, for now, I am holding on as much as I can. We are taking this summer very seriously in terms of playing, having fun, lots of family time, adventures, learning, laughing, loving, cuddling, telling stories, listening…..and allowing room for freedom, independence, change and growth. We are working hard on finding that balance. I may develop a few more grey hairs during this process but I can only imagine that a few will turn into many over the years, as my girls continue to grow into independent young ladies.
Do you find it hard to maintain this balance? What have you found has helped ease your Mama heart?